When I have no answer

There is still an answer when I have none to give and that is because it is handed to me from someone else’s quiver.  It is an arrow that pierces the heart of the closing fog, and like a flaming spark shot high and far, slices the darkness of the night of my wondering despair, it leads me into safety.  It leads me into strength to face the day.

The arrow I am handed comes from the quiver of the Lord, the archer Jesus, who has a quiver full of hope, of help, of presence.  When I’ve exhausted all my resources and am looking for any response, I’m handed this flaming arrow and told, “Lead with this.”

And when I take it and fit it to my bow, it feels like it was always just an arm’s length away, like it was just waiting beside me, while I emptied my resources, pouring out my arguments, my complaints, my doubts and finally furious accusations of anger.  It feels like a lighted wick that was hanging, waiting, always present.  It was held out to me and I could not see it for the darkness within me made me rely only on myself.

When I set its notch to my string, I ached a little with guilt, making my aim shudder until the hand that held the arrow rests upon my shoulder and reminds me, it was never within my strength.  I did not need to worry.  I do not need to worry now because the friendship remains and was remaining.  I was never alone, dependent only on my resources, my answers, my insights.

When I looked with only my eyes, all I could see was the closing enemy, the lack, the loss, the immensity of the strength of my foe.  I knew I had to respond, to make a way.  I knew it all depended on me to figure out the strategy.  It all rested on my shoulders and cleverness.

But the hand that now rests on my shoulder speaks to my heart like a battle speech, in the tone of a mother’s assurance, saying, “Now I hold you out.  I lift you up to be taken hold of by those around you who are depleted.  Fire!”

And I become a wick by which others can see that the vast power I thought was closing in on us, on me alone, is more fog than battalion.  And I let loose the truth and reach for another arrow from the quiver that is always full.

Though the fig tree does not bud    and there are no grapes on the vines,though the olive crop fails    and the fields produce no food,though there are no sheep in the pen    and no cattle in the stalls,yet I will rejoice in the Lord,    I will be joyful in God my Savior.The Sovereign Lord is my strength;    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,    he enables me to tread on the heights.Habakkuk 3:17-19